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Interview Highlights: Aleeza Ben Shalom

It'll save you thousands of dollars in a divorce. Shabbat is the Jewish Sabbath. Right now, there is an awesome organization called Shabbat.

Love and Marriage in Orthodox Jewish communities - A Match Made in Heaven - Part 3/3

When you're talking about a dating website, SawYouAtSinai is for more religious Jews, and they don't search for themselves. Matchmakers only search for them.


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But something like JDate is a search engine like any other matchmaking website, and a person can go on themselves. So really, a person is doing the matchmaking themselves. I seem to think what's missing is the mentoring piece. Skip to main content. All being well, a meeting between the pair will be arranged and then, Sirota hopes, an engagement.

Sirota, 67, is a shadchan, a traditional Jewish matchmaker. Beneath the vaulted ceilings of her house in Mea Shearim, one of the earliest settlements outside the Old City walls and home to the strictest adherents of the Jewish faith, a wicker basket of filing cards lies on a large cloth-covered dining table.

The Jewish Tradition of Matchmaking

Some are clipped together with laundry pegs: Although there have been tentative steps to introduce an online shadchan service, Sirota handwrites all her notes, and sifts information and evaluates possible connections in her head. She is dismissive of a computerised system. A computer has no intuition, and "when you write things out by hand, it goes up your arm and into your brain and stays there," she says. In this largely insular world, there is, according to Sirota, a spectrum of religious observance, from "black", the strictest ultra-orthodox communities, to "coloured", modern orthodox.

At the "black" end, she says, it's relatively simple for parents to identify suitable potential partners for their children. The parents can do all the checking. What are they checking?


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The parents want to know how he relates to his friends, what his brothers do, what kind of family he comes from. It's a whole investigation.

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Once the checking — by both sets of parents — is complete and satisfactory, financial issues are discussed, sometimes assisted by the rabbi. Or they will rent one. Sometimes the parents will involve a shadchan. And the shadchan says, why don't we put this one together with that one?


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That's what I do. The young people would not necessarily be told what was happening. These are, she concedes, arranged marriages — but once the couple meet: It's not a forced marriage.

The Jewish Tradition of Matchmaking

The couple will meet a few times, usually in the home of a family friend, alone but with others nearby, before deciding whether to get engaged. Although a physical relationship before marriage is out of the question, there is no limit on how long they can date, says Sirota. If they are not engaged by the time they have dated 10 times, it's going to collapse. Sirota's enthusiasm for her work does not detract from an often far-from-rosy picture of ultra-orthodox family life. Haredi women commonly have seven or eight children, some families stretching well into double figures contraception is permitted but unusual.